Here I go - blogging - can't believe it. I love the written word, but writing in my journal is getting harder and harder, especially since I'm in front of a computer practically all day and by the time my day is done I'm in a vegetative state which often precludes putting pen to paper, if you catch my drift. Besides, posting my inner-most thoughts is seductive. I feel like I'm beginning a new adventure, not that I really need more excitement in my life. Actually, I'm on a quest for boredom, but perhaps chronicling my day-to-day details will help me gain some clarity. Could use a little more of that, I think.
I am 42 years old - Wow! I'm so proud of that - for a few reasons.
#1 My Mom died about 6 weeks shy of her 41st birthday. Every day I have beyond what she got, is icing on a cake I don't always feel like I deserve.
#2 I've always been the youngest. In Sunday School I was the only girl in a class full of really obnoxious boys, so I got bumped up to the next oldest class so as to have some companionship. Ever since then I have usually been the youngest in whichever crowd I hung out in. I was 18 when I got married. This would not have been unusual in Provo, but I lived in Atlanta. I was 19 when I had my first child - Jenna. When I went for my first doctor visit at the beginning of my pregnancy, the doctor wanted a permission note from my father. (Seriously??!?!?!) Permission for what? The deed was done! Now I am often the oldest in a group and it feels REALLY great - I've earned it!
#3 Aging is interesting. Sometimes I look in the mirror or see a picture one of my kids has posted of me on FB (Grrrr!) and I don't recognize myself. My body is getting older and I have to admit that it's a strange sensation. HOWEVER, I figure my spirit has been around for billions of years - I like the shape that it's in and hanging out in a body that will peter out eventually will only strengthen who I am inside. I don't worry too much about wrinkles and gray hair. I am a part of a process my Heavenly Father designed for me, for my own good. And I'm okay with that.
That is all for now. Will definitely have much more to say.... another time.
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I love this post - now I know you a little better. I was married at 18 also - but kids took longer at my house. Maybe I was waiting for a permission note . . .
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